Gypsy (TV series)- Trust Is Like A Mirror
by Hidden Heart 92
Summary: Sidney knows who Diane really is, the lies, the betrayal, it should be a good enough reason to leave her alone but Sidney just can't seem to keep away
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- Hey guys so I've just finished watching Gypsy and I am obsessed with it!**

 **I really hope that things change and they give it it's well deserved second season.**

 **So anyway, here's my version of what I think happened after Sidney saw Jean/Diane at the school.**

 **Hope you all enjoy it, let me know what you think.**

 **Reviews are always appreciated.**

 **I own nothing, all rights go to their respective owners.**

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 **TRUST IS LIKE A MIRROR**

 **1**

Sidney watched as Diane-Jean-whoever she was, noticed her standing at the side.

Her eyes took on a look of shock, surprise, horror and then... did the brunette see a glimpse of relief?

She couldn't be sure and to be honest she didn't know what to do as she stared at the woman she had feelings for.

Sidney took a seat among the audience, there was a spare chair just next to where she'd been standing.

She listened to the blonde talk about bullies and how you should stand up to them. It got more hypocritical as she went on; things she said ran in the complete opposite direction to how this woman lived her life.

She said things like 'Be yourself' and 'don't be pretend to be someone you're not', she did all of those things and more.

Sidney felt tears spring to her eyes.

 _She's a liar and she lied to you_. Her brain told her.

Sidney waited for the speech to end and only left when everyone started clapping.

She wondered at the time, if she should stand up, call this woman out on her bullshit and have everyone know exactly what she was like and what she'd been up to.

But she couldn't...despite everything Diane-Jean- had done to her, she just couldn't bring herself to ruin this woman's life and it was that more than anything, that she hated about all of this.

She had almost made it to the end of the street when she heard a familiar voice call out to her.

"Sidney!"

The brunette stopped and rolled her eyes.

"Sidney, wait!"

She turned around as she heard Jean jog up behind her.

Sidney didn't bother to hide the fact that she'd been crying, which earned her an unwanted look of sympathy from the older woman.

Sidney decided it wasn't worth it and turned back around, walking back down the street.

"Sidney, I'm sorry-I know that I've hurt you-"

The younger woman turned around, her eyes wide with anger.

"You have no idea how much you've hurt me! Don't even pretend to act like you know what I'm going through because you are not the one who just got fucked with."

Jean opened her mouth to say something, then closed it.

What could she say?

There was nothing that she could say that would justify anything that she'd done.

"I know what I did was wrong...but Sidney, I'm not fucking with you." Jean said carefully, she knew that anything she said in that moment could send the girl into a blinding rage.

"Yes you are! I mean for chrissakes' Jean, you have a family! That girl isn't your niece... she's your daughter! Do you realize how fucked up that is!"

Jean nodded, keeping her head down.

"You have to know that I still care about you, Sidney. I know that what's happened isn't ideal but-"

"Ideal? Can you even hear yourself right now? You lied to me! You gave me a fake name, a fake apartment, you lied about everything! I loved someone called Diane but that's not even who you are!"

"No, it _is_ me! Sidney, I feel more like myself when I'm with you than anyone else!"

"Then why lie?! Why make me feel-" Sidney stopped herself and clenched her teeth, trying to calm herself down.

Jean licked her lips and took hold of Sidney's hand.

"Listen to me-"

Sad hazel eyes looked up and Jean saw all the hurt and disappointment that she'd caused right there standing in front of her.

"At first, I was living out some kinda fantasy but then I got to know you-the real you- and I...I don't know, I started to really like you, probably more than I should."

Sidney wasn't buying any of this. How could you believe anything a liar told you?

"Would you leave him?"

Jean frowned, momentarily confused.

"What?"

"Michael. Would you leave him?"

Jean stammered at the question.

"Well...I mean, I-I don't-"

"If you were so into me, then you would leave him, right?"

Jean let out a breath and her eyes locked with Sidney's as she still held her hand.

"It's complicated."

Sidney ripped her hand from Jean's.

"Oh fuck you." She muttered as she started walking away again.

"I still want you, Sid!"

The brunette ignored the older woman as she walked away, fresh tears spilling down her face.

* * *

Sidney slammed the door shut behind her and tossed her keys onto the table.

Raking her hands through her hair and groaning in a mixture of emotional pain and disappointment-maybe something more than that- she sank to her knees and cried hard.

"I trusted you! I loved you and you lied to me! You fucking bitch!" She screamed into the apartment. She didn't care who heard her, only that she could scream like this and try to get it out of her system, although she feared that she never would, not really.

She looked at that the bed they had had sex in.

She looked at the couch where Jean had made her undress for her; called her perfect, 'fucking perfect' to be precise.

She glared at the floor where they had sat and asked each other for the truth, no lies, no cover ups.

She had lied about everything and Sidney had lapped it up like a cat with a saucer of milk.

Jean must have been laughing at her the entire time.

Sidney shook her head, crying even harder than she had before.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and with shaky hands and blurry eyes she checked the caller ID.

Diane, only it wasn't Diane.

It was Jean.

Jean who had a family, who had a surburban home, a proper job, the fucking liar who had destroyed Sidney's image of the perfectly wild Diane.

A woman who Sidney had come to feel a great deal for.

Sidney wanted to chuck her phone out the window or smash it on the floor with the heel of her hand.

Instead she answered it, her hand shaking as she pressed the accept button.

She didn't say anything, she waited for Jean to speak first.

"Sidney? Can we talk?"

Sidney tried to steady her voice, to get it under control but it was proving difficult.

She tried anyway.

"I don't want you to call me ever again, do you understand?" She said calmly but her voice was shaking.

"Sid, please-"

"Do you understand?" She repeated a little firmer this time.

"If that's what you want."

Sidney had hoped that Jean would fight for her a little more but it seemed like now the secret was out, Jean was perfectly content to go back to living her perfect vanilla life.

"Goodbye _Jean_."

Sidney hung up and put her phone on the table.

She undressed and slipped into bed, exhausted from all the crying she had done but as she drifted off to sleep, all she dreamt about...was Jean.

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 **A/N- Hope you guys liked the first chapter, even if it was a little short. There's more to come, believe me ;)**

 **Let me know what you think.**

 **Sidney is about to be pulled into a risky game but it's not like she hasn't been there before.**


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

Jean didn't sleep that night. Thoughts of Sidney kept running through her mind and what was worse was that her husband Michael had seen the exchange between the two women.

"So what was that about tonight outside the school?"

Jean felt a flutter of panic before she forced an uneasy smile onto her face and turned to her husband.

"She's a patient. She suffers from anxiety and shows signs of having bipolar disorder." Jean lied easily.

"Oh. How did she know you would be at the school?"

Jean fought for the lie that was at the back of her mind but just out of reach until she grabbed at it.

"I uh, I must have told her during one of our sessions."

Michael frowned but then nodded, accepting the lie.

"She looked pretty upset."

Jean nodded and a sigh escaped her.

"She was...her um-her cat- got taken away, her mother didn't think she was responsible enough."

Michael chuckled.

"You do get the nut cases don't you honey?"

Jean gave him a disapproving look.

"You know it's not like that Michael. They need my help, that's all."

He nodded and kissed her on top of her head.

"I know honey, I'm only messing. I'm going to bed, you coming up?"

Jean nodded.

"Uh huh, I'll be up in a minute."

Michael grabbed himself a glass of water and went upstairs to bed.

Jean grabbed the phone from her pocket and dialed Sidney's number.

She couldn't let the younger woman go, not yet.

There were all sorts of things to consider; what if she got vindictive and told everyone what Jean had really being doing? A few people were a little suspicious of her already and this would add to their suspicion and she couldn't afford that.

She waited until Sidney picked up.

The younger woman didn't say anything so Jean did.

"Sidney? Can we talk?"

 _'I don't want you to call me ever again, do you understand?'_

Jean could hear Sidney's voice shaking and she hated that she was the cause of it.

"Sid please-"

Before she could finish her sentence or plea, whatever you wanted to call it, Sidney repeated what she'd said before and Jean bit her lip, nodding to herself even though she knew Sidney couldn't see her.

"If that's what you want."

She didn't want to say it, she only knew that she should, that that is what Sidney would expect her to say.

Sidney said goodbye and then hung up.

When Jean had first seen Sidney standing there in the assembly hall of her daughter's school, she had panicked internally but then a strange sense of relief came over her.

It was over.

Sidney knew who she was, she knew that the little girl she had seen before wasn't her niece but her daughter. The man sitting there with his arm around their daughter was her husband and now she knew, she knew everything and if she chose to walk away, she could.

But then as soon as her speech had ended and Sidney had got up to leave while Jean bathed in the audience's applause, she felt fear grip her as she realized that this might be the last time she would ever see the younger woman and Jean didn't want to go back to being just Jean completely.

As Diane, she felt free.

Diane wasn't tied down. She wasn't married. She didn't have a high paying job. She loved Dolly with all her heart but as Diane, she wasn't tied down with the responsibility of having a kid. As Diane, she could be with Sidney, she could go out with her, talk to her like she was single and they were just getting to know each other at the beginning of this relationship.

Sidney was like an untamed animal and Diane did her best to mirror that image.

Sidney was her little tiger and the last thing she wanted to do was domesticate her. In fact, Jean liked that Sidney seemed to want her to be just as wild and free as she was and that was what made letting Diane or the act of Diane rather, that much more difficult to let go of.

Jean just hoped that Sidney still felt for her and they could talk it over, come to terms with what had happened and she could try and made Sidney understand what she'd done and why.

...

Jean went to work the next day and prepared for her sessions.

She checked her list, Sam was the first one in today.

Jean settled herself in the chair and tried to compose herself.

She heard a light knock and she cleared her throat before speaking up.

"Come in."

Sam came in, giving her a slight smile.

"Hi, um, Jean this is-"

Jean's eyes widened when Sidney walked in behind him.

"This is Sidney. She's my ex-girlfriend. The one I told you about. She wanted to meet you; said she's got some issues of her own she would like your help with. I told her how good you are and she jumped at it. I'm sorry to spring this on you."

Jean forced a smile and nodded.

"It's fine Sam. I'm happy to help." She said but her voice gave her away, well, to Sidney at least.

Hazel eyes locked with blue and Jean tried to work out if Sidney had told Sam anything but by how relaxed Sam was, she suspected that he didn't know anything and Sidney was playing yet another game; see how uncomfortable she could make Jean within the hour they had.

"Hello Sidney." Jean said in her best psychiatrist voice.

"Hey." Sidney said, her voice neutral.

"So, normally I deal with Sam." She began, gesturing to the young man sitting across from her.

"But what can I do for you?"

Jean had to keep playing along, she didn't see that she had any other choice.

Sidney sat forward on the couch-Jean felt partly surrounded, Sidney on the couch, Sam in the chair, both of them leaning forward- with Sidney resting her elbows on her knees.

"I was in a relationship -sort of- with someone who pretended to be someone they weren't. What do they call that in your profession? Fucked up?"

Jean shrugged slightly.

"Whatever they were doing, I'm sure they didn't mean to hurt you."

Sidney grinned and Jean could see from her years of dealing with broken people, that that was exactly what she had done to Sidney.

"Yeah, that's what I'm sure she'd say, but the thing is, she's older than me, she should know better. Shouldn't she?"

Sam frowned in confusion.

"She?"

Sidney nodded.

"I've been trying new things." She said it as though that was the end of that discussion and Sam kept his mouth shut.

Jean nodded in agreement.

"She should, but maybe she has issues herself."

"Then maybe she should come and see someone like you. Help her to deal with all that because what she doesn't seem to realize is that she accused me of fucking with people when she's the one who does it on a daily basis. She's the one with the problem."

Jean felt cornered and she wanted the session to be over as soon as possible but when she glanced at the clock, she saw it was only fifteen minutes in.

Could she keep up this charade for another 45 minutes?

Suddenly Jean locked gazes with Sidney and decided that if this was the way it was going to be, she would make sure to ask the questions she really wanted to.

"Are you in love with her?" Jean asked suddenly.

Sam frowned slightly at Sidney but the brunette ignored him.

"And what if I was? Do you think that would have made any difference to her?"

Jean shrugged helplessly.

"Maybe."

"She has a family...a kid...a husband. She wouldn't leave them for me, I'm sure of that."

This time, Sam spoke up.

"Wha-she has a family?! Sid, what happened to you?!"

Sidney turned her attention to Sam.

"I didn't know that when I was dating her." She muttered.

She then turned her gaze back to Jean.

"I found out...just recently."

Sam only nodded but that frown remained on his face.

Jean licked her lips and sat forward.

"I think you and this...woman, should get together and talk, one on one. Clear the air."

Sidney nodded then a grin split her features as she looked straight at Jean.

"Yeah...I think I'll try that. I gotta tell you one thing though, she was such a good fuck."

Jean instantly went red and Sidney sat back, a look of triumph on her face as she tried to hide a grin.

"Have you ever fucked a woman Jean?"

Sam held up his hand.

"Whoa, Sid, you can't just-Jean, you don't have answer that. I'm sorry about her." Sam said looking apologetically at his therapist.

Jean, determined not to let Sidney get the upper hand, nodded her head slowly.

"When I was younger, sure. I experimented."

The brunette nodded, a teasing grin in place.

"How was it?"

Jean nodded and gave her a shy smile.

"Good. She was...I won't be forgetting her anytime soon, let's just put it that way."

Sam scratched the back of his head, feeling very uncomfortable now as he let out a breath and sat back.

Sidney nodded.

"Glad to hear you're not as vanilla as you look."

Jean only shrugged and glanced at the clock.

"Well, time's up for today. Sidney, if you'd like to book another appointment, I'd be happy to see you again."

Sidney stood and looked down at Jean.

"It's been...enlightening, but I think I'm good."

Jean nodded that she accepted that and then smiled at Sam.

"Sam, same time next week?"

Sam nodded and gave her a grateful smile.

Sidney walked out.

Sam stayed behind.

"Thank you for seeing her, Jean. I know she can be a little... reckless with her words and views."

Jean smiled warmly.

"Not at all. I can see why it was hard getting over her. She's very intriguing, from a professional point of view, of course."

Sam nodded, not seeing anything wrong in that.

"Thanks again."

"You're more than welcome."

Jean watched as he left the room and only when that door closed, did Jean let out a breath and put her head between her knees, trying to calm her nerves.

If her and Sid ever did have that talk, she would be bringing up today's session for sure.

* * *

 **A/N- Oh they're gonna have that talk all right! Stay tuned! x**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Hey guys, I know it's been a while but here's that talk I promised that Jean and Sydney would have. Enjoy!**

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 **3**

Sydney was smashed out of her head when she got the call she'd been expecting from Jean. She had planned to give the woman a piece of her mind, she hadn't expected to be completely hammered when she called but here she was and nothing could change it now. Guess she'd have to do this while drunk. Maybe it would help her say everything she couldn't say sober which wasn't much but still;

She grinned and answered the phone.

"Hello Jean. So nice to hear from you." Sydney slurred, a grin on her face as she tried to focus on something that didn't make her head spin.

 _'You can't do that Sydney.'_

Sydney frowned, knowing full well what Jean was talking about. The session earlier today.

"Do what?"

 _"Come into my session and put me under pressure like that. It's-it's-"_

"It's what Jean? Uncomfortable?"

 _"Yes!"_

Sydney walked over to the table and sat down in front of it, grabbing the bottle of vodka off it and taking a big swig.

"Okay so I made you uncomfortable but let's talk about the fact that you were fucking me over."

 _"I didn't fuck you over Sydney."_ Jean said, lowering her voice. So she was home then. That was the only time Jean spoke quietly, when she was home and didn't want her family hearing her, like that time when Sydney had helped her to get off over the phone.

Sydney nodded, she couldn't believe that the woman was actually going to try and turn this in her favor.

"Yes you did. You lied Jean! You said you were single, a journalist, you had a niece and that niece turned out to be your daughter! You have a daughter Jean! I mean my God are you even into women?!"

 _"I was into you."_ Jean said, her voice soft now.

"'Was'? So...not anymore then?" Sydney slurred, her vision going a little blurry. Maybe she should put the bottle down now.

She didn't.

She heard Jean sigh.

 _"I'll always be into you Sydney."_

That made the other woman grin slightly. Then she remembered that she should be mad at Jean, not worrying about whether she still found her hot or not.

"Have you told your husband the truth?"

There was a pause on the other end.

Sydney waited with hope it her heart but she knew Jean would never tell her what she wanted to hear. At least the lies were over.

 _"No."_

"Will you?"

Another pause, this one longer than the last.

 _"No."_

Sydney bit her lip as tears welled up in her eyes.

"So you're okay with living a lie?" She asked, forcing her voice to keep steady

 _"I can't lose him, Syd."_

 _Sydney recoiled at the feelings the pet name gave her. She pushed them away angrily, feeling like she wanted to claw her own heart out._

"No! Don't you dare call me that! Don't you fucking ever call me that! I am nothing to you! Don't act like I am!" Sydney raged with tears streaming down her face. God...if only Jean could see the damage she was causing, would she want to live a double life again? If she could only see what was happening to the girl on the other end of the phone.

 _"OK...OK, I'm sorry Sydney, but you're not nothing to me."_

"Jean...just stop please...just..."

 _"Sydney...I had feelings for you. I really did."_

Sydney put an arm across her eyes as she sobbed into the phone.

"You said we were going to run away together...you didn't mean it did you?"

 _"I did...at that point but Sydney, we could never have run away. I mean I have my family and you-"_

"I have nothing Jean! I only had you! I fucking loved you! You selfish... bitch!" Sydney's voice broke on the last word and she dropped the bottle.

Jean heard it smash on the floor.

 _"Sydney? Are you ok?"_

"What? Oh yeah, it was just the fucking vodka bottle." Sydney muttered as she sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her free hand.

 _"Are you drunk?"_

"Yep."

 _"Sydney why do you get like this?"_

"Oh I don't know Jean, maybe it was because I've just been fucked over by someone I was willing to start a life with!"

There was one big pause and Sydney wondered if she'd hung up on her until she heard Jean curse under her breath.

 _"Jesus...I didn't know-I thought I was-"_

"A bit of fun? A passing fancy? A game to me? Well you know what? I wish you fucking were because then I wouldn't be feeling like this!"

 _"Sydney, I am so sorry..."_

"Don't say that. You're not sorry. You're just sorry you got fucking caught otherwise I would imagine that you would be round here fucking me or you know, the other way around." She said with a careless shrug.

Jean sighed.

 _"Do you need me to come over?"_

Sydney frowned.

"To do what?"

 _"To take care of you. I imagine you'll be feeling like absolute shit in the morning."_

Sydney wanted to tell her yes. To tell her that she needed her. That she just wanted Jean to come round and hold her while she fell alseep but in the morning, she would have to leave again and go back home and Sydney wasn't sure if she could handle that.

Sydney swallowed the lump in her throat and sniffed so she didn't sound so tearful.

"No. I'll be fine. How do you think I got by without you?"

Jean sighed again.

 _"Okay...well if you need anything, you have my number."_

"I'm deleting it after this conversation." Sydney snapped back.

 _"Sydney...please, don't be like this."_

"Goodbye Jean."

Sydney hung up then and ran to the bathroom to throw up.

Jean was right, she really would feel like shit in the morning.


End file.
